Then again, how can I GIVE something that I don’t really have?
And that’s the message of hope and growth amid the chaos and UNCERTAINTY in my scheduled “virtual calls” for the week.
My computer cursor flickered and paused a lot longer than usual as I grappled with what I could share with family, coaches and clients, as I likewise felt rather uneasy.
The world is truly in an unparalleled crisis and in as much as I would like to provide the encouragement to strive in these “unusual” times, I myself am struggling to maintain motivation.
The ILO estimates that 1.6B workers in the informal economy stand in immediate danger of having their livelihoods destroyed and 436M enterprises (i.e. wholesale/retail, manufacturing, accommodation, food services, and real estate) face high risks of serious disruption...
What then could I give to my two daughters who are living 13+ hours of plane ride away?
Or to business owners who are tasked to navigate in uncharted business realities?
After a while (more accurately, a couple of days), I’ve realized that the best thing I could provide at this time, is less of my usual talking - about advice and recommendations….
But more of LISTENING - to what and how others are finding ways to thrive despite the difficulties they are facing.
An article published by the University of Missouri points out that many of us spend 70 to 80 percent of our waking hours in some form of communication. Of that time, we spend about 9 percent writing, 16 percent reading, 30 percent speaking, and 45 percent listening. Studies also confirm that most of us are poor and inefficient listeners.
Let me then share some of my realizations in my own “coping” activities - being busy with blogs, books and podcasts on how to “listen properly” ....
Listen to understand and not to reply
Or as Stephen Covey aptly stated - seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Early on in my marriage I’ve been guilty of being a lot more concerned of replying (or emphasizing my point) rather than being attentive to what my wife was actually saying.
One thing that certainly improved the conversations with my wife was when we agreed to explain what we understood from each other's statement first, before giving our answers.
The same is true when I work with clients, I always make sure that I’ve clearly grasped what they WANT to achieve before even discussing working together. This makes the succeeding activities of crafting that most significant action needed to produce results, much easier.
Don’t reflect everything to ourselves
I remember the time my son came to me regarding his difficulties reviewing for a major examination. Without letting him expound on his struggles, I immediately went ahead with stories of my own study hacks and relative ease in preparing for exams.
It was only when he remained silent and simply went back to his room that I’ve realized how insensitive my actions were. I have let my ego take the best of me and did not even bother to ask or even explain how my own experiences would be useful to the challenges he was facing.
As leaders in our own companies and organizations we are oftentimes tasked to resolve issues concerning members of our team. It is then important to be empathetic to how our subordinates feel and let our pride be on the back seat.
Listen deeply and clearly
Have you ever experienced speaking with somebody who finishes your sentences midway through your statement? Much like Google or FB messenger chat auto-filling your next word (sometimes embarrassingly causing your sent message out of context).
Well, we really don’t want to feel that sense of not being heard or disrespected by the other person predicting what is in our mind. Or worse we are the one doing just that. Let us ensure that we are understood deeply and we provide the same opportunity for the other person to clearly express what he/she wants to convey.
Avoid forming opinions quickly
There was this one incident when a flight was not supposed to have been allowed to enter our assigned airspace let alone given the clearance to land. Then the following day I received a phone call telling me to explain how I disregarded established procedures thus causing trouble and havoc at the office.
All the accusations were done even before I could say a single word to explain how I’ve handled the situation. Fortunately, after the “dust settled” it was concluded that the circumstances were rather unavoidable and beyond anybody’s control.
I have likewise been on the other side of the fence - being quick to judge others and annoyed by their perceived inadequacies. Be that my kids not calling when out with friends or a client being grumpy on a “zoom call”. Only to find out later that my daughter already sent me an SMS or me realizing that I’ve messed up the schedule and thus was late for the virtual call.
There is really the need to have a good grasp of the situation before drawing conclusions (if ever there is a need for one).
Listen to ourselves
This year has truly been unusual (to say the least). Starting from Kobe’s untimely demise, to the pandemic restrictions, and to the clamour for equality and justice worldwide. These have collectively affected our lives as humans as no other in recent history.
There is therefore a need to give ourselves an avenue to get hold of how we really “feel”. And finding a confidant to discuss what matters most in our lives and respond to what lies ahead is important.
Then we could be in a better position to do a lot of introspection to flesh out how we could be part of the solution to our common struggles. Be that us, being a parent, partner, employee, business owner, or leader - we can certainly affect a positive change in the world.
As John Lennon wrote, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end”. Life will go on, and let us act on what we have discovered from listening from one another.
Let’s drown out the fear and aggression rather GIVE more love, kindness, compassion, and empathy to each other.
If you’re looking for ways to make your successful business better and further HELP your customers, go to jamesrgerice.com/on-demand-class. Implement the ideas and shoot me a DM or an email of your experience.
